How to manage emotions.
Emotions are part of being human and all are valid.
A lot of people are not taught how to manage their emotions. This leads to suffering for them and the person around them.
We all experience emotions. They are how we give meaning to the world around. The relationship we have with our emotions affects our memory, our mental health, our physical health and our relationship to others.
But what exactly are emotions?
Emotions are energy in motion.
Emotions want to move through our body. We can either facilitate this movement in a healthy manner or we can disturb the flow which is when the problems start occuring.
Here are the three levels of how to respond to emotions.
Emotional awareness
Emotional awareness is as it sounds. It means being to identify an emotion such as “I am angry.” Developing emotional awareness means being able to specifically and accurately label what you’re feeling - is it really anger or is it frustration?
With emotional awareness we know the specific emotion we are feeling. It is knowledge of the present moment.
To improve your awareness, keep a journal of what the emotion is and how you would describe it to a friend. Use this emotion wheel to help you to be specific with your labels.
Image by @trainingsbyromy on Instagram
Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence in knowing the factors that contribute to the feeling you’re experiencing and their level of importance. For example “I feel angry because my boss is making me overwork again and the internet is slow.”
Here, the overworking is the leading cause of the anger. And the internet being slow is exacerbating that feeling. This is a level of knowing and understanding about events that lead to certain emotions.
With emotional intelligence we know that this chain of events led to the specific emotion we are feeling. It is knowledge of how past events led to the present moment.
Emotional agility
Emotional agility is accepting and being able to respond to the emotions you are experiencing. For example, “I feel angry because my boss is making me overwork again and the internet is slow. What do I need in this moment? I’m going to accept and feel the anger. Then I will speak to my boss clearly and calmly to find a solution.”
Accepting and feeling the emotion is an important step that a lot of people miss. We are very quick to run away from our emotions or ignore them. But remember, emotions are energy in motion. They need to move. Allow yourself to feel it and then act.
With emotional agility we know that this chain of events led to the specific emotion we are feeling and how we will intentionally respond. It is knowledge of how past events led to the present moment and about how we will respond.
Now, we have the full picture. We know how we want to intentionally respond but sometimes we instinctively react, letting our emotions control us. You can change from reacting to responding by consciously noticing every time you react and making an effort to change that behaviour until it sticks.
Or you can regularly visualise your ideal chain of events to rewire your neural pathways and turn your ideal response into your default behaviour. It’s how the top 1% of athletes train their mind to respond to challenges and perform at an elite level. And it’s a technique you can adopt as your winning strategy.
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